Feeling of Being Important

Friends do not required to be there when you need them.

Lovers, too do not required to be there when you need them.

I know this statement, but honestly deep inside, i still can't apply this to my life. I, though see someone who requires her/him friends or lover to be there when they need them... kinda stupid. But, i am also one of them, the stupid group.

------------------------

As someone who had suffered from depression before, one thing will came to their (people who are suffering from depression) mind is, hurting themselves to see whether there's anyone care. Another to say, that's self-pity. They feel that the world had turned away from them, abandoning them, leaving them. Depression had left me, but self-pity remains. I no longer cut myself like i did long long way back then. I just destroy my belief and principles to hurt myself.

An ex-schoolmate of mine had become insane and gone into asylum (siao lang keng) after suffered from depression and feeling lost. I am afraid that someday i will be the same.

------------------------

I read somewhere in a famous classic self-growth book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. The most longing things and every humans want to feel in their life, the number one thing is, the sense and feeling of being important, and it's something that connect to everything humans want to feel.

Feeling loved, is a kind of feeling of being important.
Feeling successful, is a kind of feeling of being important.
Feeling appreciated, is a kind of feeling of being important.

And most surprisingly fact that i found... a fact told by a psychiatrist (forgot his name), "I found out that patients who come in here (the asylum a.k.a siao lang keng) are people who could not find their feeling of being important in the outside world. They end up creating their own world, a world where they will find the sense of being important."

Some notorious criminals who committed crimes and made histories, are also people who couldn't seek the sense of feeling important in a good way, so they make the whole world shaken by their deeds just to make people recognized them. It's like, "Since no one recognize me when i do good, might as well i do bad things and people will recognize me."

That friend of mine who went insane... Testimonials from his co-workers (who are my co-workers now) said, "He's like living in his own world... Remember last time in school? He likes to write his own stories."

0.0

I like to write my own stories...

"By the way, before that, got one part that makes us feel he got something wrong is when he called up everyone and told them that he wants to open a bank."

Coincidentally, while having lunch, i told my co-workers, "Not bad being a bank. I want to open a bank." And the next thing, they stop eating and stare at me. My schoolmate-come-coworker then said, "Everyone worked in bank will become crazy, i'm resigning tomorrow." Hahahahaha. He's still there.

------------------------

I want to feel appreciated, recognized and being important. Well, i don't think i'm very demanding am i? Knowingly... I'm doing everything that i know, will bring disaster either to this world or myself.

I have no more hope?

Well, since i know that, maybe i could find a way to control myself. There should be a way... Still searching. No worries :)

Sometimes i feel...










I'm someone easily contented and calmed.










Started on my metamorphosis...











Changing my mind now...?

Great New Year

1) Unable to use the PC because my younger sister use my pc 24/7 downloading stupid Taiwan drama series and watch Taiwan drama series through Youtube and no one do anything about it even though i complain. So? Online outside at cc.

2) Fucked up officer screaming at me and say i should know this procedure that procedure by now and HELLO, i'm not getting full and detail training. I learn by hard way and with speed.

3) Few days before Valentine's Day, a friend of mine told me,
"Hey, valentine's day do what? no girlfriend? let's go eat candle light dinner in mamak."
I guess she just say only.

13th of February come to bank find me, take some angpow packets, exchange some new notes and "Wei, tomolo, remember!"

14th February
7pm, "Wei, later remember. Eat."
10pm, "I go Batu Feringgi to buy some CD, later only call you." And so, i waited... watch White Noise in Astro in a mamak stall... Nice movie. Watched the whole movie... No one called...

4) I messaged 20 selected friends on Valentine's Day night. Not bad, 5 replied.

5) Chinese New Year went back to Ipoh. Was so excited coz it's family gathering. Get to play some Blackjack. My cousin told me, "We will go home later coz mum got sumthin to do." I asked, "When you arrived?"
"Few hours ago..."

All women play mahjong... Me? Trying to go around finding something to do. And again, my mother told me not to smoke while holding a cigarette.

6) Called C to just to say Happy New Year. I got a cancelled call.

7) Come back Penang called Hueyshen, and said "Happy New Year, when wanna get married." He hang up and cancelled my call. I ask him later on, "Mood bad?" He replied, "Nah, was in so good mood and don't feel like listening to your crap."

8) "Why didn't called me go out?"
"We thought you busy, so didn't call."

9) Jason, i asked you one more time to give you a chance, and you replied "Nothing?" Back stabbed me and feel guilty? Thank you for showing me yourself behind your smile.

10) Cool~

Bitches

Sluts are girls who have sex with everyone including you.

Bitches are girls who have sex with everyone except you.

For the girls, "Bitch" sounds cool to them coz to them, it means, "Babes In Total Control of Herself" for not having sex with you, you assholes.

Anyway, i look to my left and my right, well, we ain't got girls around, only bitches.

Valentine's Day

Last three years when i'm 18, i said "Next year's Valentine's Day i will not be alone."
Last two years when i'm 19, i said "Next year's Valentine's Day i will not be alone."
Last year when i'm 20, i said... The same thing like previous years.
This year's Valentine's Day, i'm 21, i said "ARGH! FUCK IT!"

=.=

Talking about roses during Valentine's Day, i don't feel like giving any flowers as a gift.

1) How long the roses can live? They will die in few days. If it represents love for your partner, it's like telling her, "My love for you, will be as short life like this rose. So, before it dies, get me laid tonight on Valentine's Day."

2) What if i decide to buy my partner, a fake plastic rose that never die? Some may say, "It means love eternity." To me, it's "My love for you if fake, so get me laid tonight on Valentine's Day and i can off to find the next person."

Valentine's Day... is the day when there will be a lot of love in the air... Some couples may stay at home making love, some go to the beach and make love, some make out in Gurney Hotel car park, some this and that.

Most people will feel very happy during this loving day, but for most people too, it'll be their sad day too. Example, me? Not feeling good mood on Valentine's Eve, but last night, Valentine's Day, i sent out quite a number of SMSes wishing Valentine's Day. I'm very happy and content that a few did replied me. Thanks for those of you who replied =)

Btw, HAPPY BELATED VALENTINE'S DAY~!!! LET'S GET LAID~~~

A Thought for Love

Not feeling angry nor sad,

Is not because there is no feeling involved,

But a prove of maturity,

In understanding 'relationship',

That may not work out sometimes no matter how hard you try...

-[J]ust [S]imple production

---------------------------------------
12.30am; 8th February 2007
currently listening to : Lips of An Angel