Feeling of Being Important

Friends do not required to be there when you need them.

Lovers, too do not required to be there when you need them.

I know this statement, but honestly deep inside, i still can't apply this to my life. I, though see someone who requires her/him friends or lover to be there when they need them... kinda stupid. But, i am also one of them, the stupid group.

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As someone who had suffered from depression before, one thing will came to their (people who are suffering from depression) mind is, hurting themselves to see whether there's anyone care. Another to say, that's self-pity. They feel that the world had turned away from them, abandoning them, leaving them. Depression had left me, but self-pity remains. I no longer cut myself like i did long long way back then. I just destroy my belief and principles to hurt myself.

An ex-schoolmate of mine had become insane and gone into asylum (siao lang keng) after suffered from depression and feeling lost. I am afraid that someday i will be the same.

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I read somewhere in a famous classic self-growth book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. The most longing things and every humans want to feel in their life, the number one thing is, the sense and feeling of being important, and it's something that connect to everything humans want to feel.

Feeling loved, is a kind of feeling of being important.
Feeling successful, is a kind of feeling of being important.
Feeling appreciated, is a kind of feeling of being important.

And most surprisingly fact that i found... a fact told by a psychiatrist (forgot his name), "I found out that patients who come in here (the asylum a.k.a siao lang keng) are people who could not find their feeling of being important in the outside world. They end up creating their own world, a world where they will find the sense of being important."

Some notorious criminals who committed crimes and made histories, are also people who couldn't seek the sense of feeling important in a good way, so they make the whole world shaken by their deeds just to make people recognized them. It's like, "Since no one recognize me when i do good, might as well i do bad things and people will recognize me."

That friend of mine who went insane... Testimonials from his co-workers (who are my co-workers now) said, "He's like living in his own world... Remember last time in school? He likes to write his own stories."

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I like to write my own stories...

"By the way, before that, got one part that makes us feel he got something wrong is when he called up everyone and told them that he wants to open a bank."

Coincidentally, while having lunch, i told my co-workers, "Not bad being a bank. I want to open a bank." And the next thing, they stop eating and stare at me. My schoolmate-come-coworker then said, "Everyone worked in bank will become crazy, i'm resigning tomorrow." Hahahahaha. He's still there.

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I want to feel appreciated, recognized and being important. Well, i don't think i'm very demanding am i? Knowingly... I'm doing everything that i know, will bring disaster either to this world or myself.

I have no more hope?

Well, since i know that, maybe i could find a way to control myself. There should be a way... Still searching. No worries :)