Girls That I Had Met

Girls that i had met;

a girl who likes to be shared
a girl who is a lesbian
a girl who tells you, "Just a kiss, so what?"
a girl who has complicated sexual orientation.
a girl who claims, "I'm in need for a dick."
a girl who is suffering from "Why the world do this to me?" disease.
a girl who thinks her vagina is made of gold
a girl who is dominant
a girl who thinks guys supposed to be mind readers
a girl who likes to blackmail
a girl who's attached with you and kissed with your friend while you went to toilet
a girl who likes to use you
and the lists might be able to go on (just need some creativity)

And the rest, the good and nice one, are attached... Maybe this is the cause of me being a pessimistic when it comes to relationship, and blocking all sort of details that could spark an affection on a girl. My sickness can be cured when someday i forget how painful it feels like to spark an affection on someone, and hopefully... it won't be a GUY! o.o"

Loan That Helps People

I finally found a good reason for me to get a credit card (it'll be fine with a debit card if it's applicable). While reading through this financial blog, Millionaire Mommy Next Door, i came across to this website, Kiva.org.

This is a non-profit organization website which get loans from developed countries (or quite developed country like Malaysia) to lend out to small business owners in the third world countries, to build their business. The loan amount? Just USD25 and you can helped someone.

The basic theory of this is... If let's say, a basket weavers' group need USD400 (mostly divided to 10 other small entrepreneurs), we can either lend them USD400 in full, or just USD25 while other people in the rest of the world lend their share of USD25 in order to mark up USD400 for the group.

I found this very interesting... A way to help the people in Third World Countries... So, if you have USD25 or RM82.50++ to spare... lend them a helping cash! By the way, the repayment term of the loan... usually ranged from 6 to 12 months.

More videos about this Kiva by Bill Clinton and Oprah :)

Christmas

This year's Christmas eve is one of my worst Christmas eve, but anyway... in the end, luckily i had quite a good time, because i get to drink a pint of Kilkenny in Tiger Arms. Other than that, fuck the rest~

Half of my Christmas day is spent on sleep. That means i woke up quite late on 25th. Went out to have a drink with my friends... Then, here i am now at home.

Today, is Boxing Day, the 26th... and also the anniversary of the Tsunami disaster back in the year 2006... Let's have a moment of silence to remember all those killed, and lost of loved one by the Tsunami...

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Last few days of the year... still unable to prepare my New Year Resolution 2008. I only know the theme of the year... "It's all about the Money!" and next full year will be used to focus on my financial ground. All i will know and do, and think about will be Money, Money and Money!

My Sissy-ness

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

This proves that i'm pretty sissy =/ At least it's not 60% girlish 40% boyish...

Work?

My satisfaction comes from how much i am able to produce or to provide...
Can this be considered, i will be satisfied by giving?
Productivity plays a bit role in my life.
I prefer being busy;
Work, work and work.

But whether i'm doing something that i really want...
I don't know...
Maybe because when i work, keep passing my time working,
I don't think much?

That is why...
I should do something about my new year resolution.
And setting new goals for my another year.

Start Preparing Now for New Year!

New Year is just around the corner. I don't know about you guys, but i do make New Year Resolution every year. Well, let's see what i'd written in the past. My New Year Resolution for 2007...

I wanna be a;
1) Good Friend
2) Good Son
3) Good Lover

You can view it here.

I can say two out of three of my resolutions went well, except for the Good Lover part. My love story this year didn't went well so far... with two failures... by two complicated girls... (Goddamnit! xS) I have being quite a good friend to certain friends... being quite a good son... So i succeed 33.33% of my resolutions! Congrats me.

Currently, i'm thinking of my next year's New Year Resolution for 2008.

Should be able to finished it, and posted it by 31st of December 2007. The last day of the year =)

I Miss You Already

Thanks Anna Dalelio from Flickr.

Merely a week, i miss you already... I can never imagine how will it be, if you walk away like the lil girl, leaving the lil boy behind...

Apologize - Timbaland feat One Republic

"I'm Sorry," I'm fucking pissed and sick of this two words especially when it's connected with feelings issue. The next time when i heard someone say this to me... I'll reply them with "Fuck Off, Got Nothing to Talk To You..." (I think i already did that before.)

I’m holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
I’m hearing what you say but I just can’t make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you’re sorry
Didn’t think I’d turn around, and say…

It’s too late to apologize, it’s too late
I said it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late

I’d take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you

And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it’s nothing new - yeah yeah
I loved you with a fire red-
Now it’s turning blue, and you say…
“Sorry” like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I’m afraid…

It’s too late to apologize, it’s too late
I said it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late

It’s too late to apologize, it’s too late
I said it’s too late to apologize, it’s too late
It’s too late to apologize, yeah
I said it’s too late to apologize, yeah-
I’m holding on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground…

More info about this song on http://lunatic.byexamples.com! Best choice for Music Lover ;)

Real Life Test - Survival of the Fittest

Less complains could get more work done.
We can't control the changes,
but we can control our attitudes and behaviors toward the changes...

From time to time,
The small hardship are there for practices.
The big hardship are there as tests.

It's different from the paper tests that we took during study years,
This is real life test.

Go through it, learn from it, improve because of it...
We pass.
The reward?
We become stronger... We grow... We become better than before...
To face the next problems.

This world,
is a world of Survival of the Fittest.
Only the strong survives,
while the rest will die.
It's either they die, or we die...

Realize the True Self

Read this in full. Don't just scan through, please.

A couple took a bus.
The weather was bad and raining heavily...
When they reached their destination,
The bus stopped for them...
And, they went down from the bus...
Then, the bus continued its route.

While the bus was moving to the next destination...
Lightning strikes a tree,
The tree fell and strike ON the bus, precisely.
All the passengers were killed on the spot in the bus.

The next day,
The couple read the news.
How should they feel...?
They escaped death.
Happy? Glad that they are still alive?

....
....

They are not.
They cried...

Why they cry...? Think about it... Why?

....
....
....
....
....
....
....

It's normal that we are happy when we escaped death. We may thank Lord. Throw a party that we survived from the disaster.

They cried... because...
They feel that they're selfish,
and if the bus didn't stop for them,
everyone could have survived...

Penang Hill (Part One)

Few weeks back then, Hueyshen made a bet with Clement that i won't be able to wake up early morning on Saturday to go Penang Hill. I was pissed of course So i woke up early at 6am. And arrive at the railway station on time. I was the first person arrived!!! Hueyshen who bet that i can't make it... WAS THE LAST!!!!

I feels good and proud and i was ready to conquer Penang Hill!

*see how proud i am*


Muahahaha! So off we go.

First, we find food there. Unfortunately, the restaurant that i ate chicken chop 10 years ago no longer there. Heard that the oldman sold off the restaurant to a bastard who made it into a fine dining restaurant =.=

No chicken chop... What to do? Eat at the food court which has basically nothing. Well, no food to enjoy, just eat for the sake of breakfast. (Didn't took any picture of the food court)

First, some warm up... for Clement.

By carrying his heavy sweetheart, CY.

Then, we hired bicycles to cycle around Penang Hill. RM6 per hour, the price is reasonable but seriously, they need to fix the bikes' brakes *swt*

We cycle, cycle and cycle... Our destination is the canopy walk. Well, actually, i don't know what is Canopy Walkway until i experienced it. I guess, it's one of the most exciting thing in Penang Hill. I am afraid of heights, and it's up high in the hill... I was having hard time trying to get through the walkway.

Cost of the ticket? RM5. Here's proof;


So what happened next?

(to be continued...)

"Coz You Think With Your Dick," -Kazee

One grew hatred towards the female,

for being able to dominate him,
for being able to weaken him,
for being able to use him,

And yet, he is unable to overcome himself,
to overcome them,

from dominating him,
from weakening him,
from using him,

The consequence of the reluctance?
He ends up hating himself!

Home-Made Pizza Bread

Thanks to Hueyshen, finally i made my own food with micro oven. Home-made Pizza! The ingredients and methods are kinda easy. Well, Just Simple me will lists all step by step to teach you, in making your own home-made pizza! =D

Ingredients:

-Bread loaf



-Tomato paste



- Mozzarella cheese



Methods:

1) Apply tomato paste on the bread loaf like this:


2) Then, put some mozzarella cheese on top of it.

3) Put into the micro oven and adjust 6 minutes.

4) TA-DA! Now you got your home-made Pizza!



Nicely Done~! =D

Well... It doesn't look good but i guarantee it tastes good! Just like a pizza. Well, for a simple meal, you can save a lot by making this yourself. So start saving by making your own home-made pizza!

I shown this pic to few of my friends and family, and these are the comments that they gave.

"You will have to put a gun on my head to ask me to eat this!" - Vliamz

"Errr... No, thanks..." - My sis

"OMG! You sucks in cooking!!!" - Hueyshen

"I lost my appetite." - Luna

So, through the comments... there's one point i got from them... My pizza rocks xD

I Deny

Our eyes only see what we want to see,
Our ears only listen to what we want to listen,
Our mind only believes in what we choose to believe.

I rather be in state of denial than accepting the plain truth.

There's too much clutters in life, let's not clutter ourselves with more complicated truth.

I'm Not Useful

When the girl starts to take one step to me, i will take one step backward to move away. I might even consider of putting a barrier in between to stop her from coming any closer.

No, it's not because she's ugly, but because of the possibility of getting together into a relationship that i fear...

I don't mind, if it's for a night. If it's just for a quick intimacy... But not for a relationship.

Taking one step closer to me... It will makes me think of;

What she wants from me? Do i have anything that she wants to use? Does she know how much i got in my wallet? Does she know that i'm just driving a small economical car?

I told myself that i'm just trying to sell myself high, but actually it's fear that makes me stop them at where they are standing... I don't believe, that any girls will want to come that close to me.

I'm not useful and I don't want to be used... So, stop it.

Momentum

Pic purposely not edited to show the producer of this picture which i found in Google =)

"Once it starts moving, it's hard to make it stop."

If That's Ok With You by Shayne Ward

I LOVE THIS!!! If that's ok with you~



I love the way that you look without your make up
I had a girl before we met but we broke up
There's something bout you that make me wanna step up
Step up and be with you
If that's ok with you

We'll keep the neighbors awake
Too late too late
Cuz I'm gonna make you feel so good
That's how I see it happening
Yea we'll keep the neighbors awake
Too late too late
Cuz baby I wanna step up and be with you
If that's ok with you

'm gonna make you feel like you are heaven on earth
I'm gonna saint your mother just for giving you birth
I'm gonna wanna hold you in my arms when you cry
If that's ok with you, if that's ok with you

I wanna keep your tooth-brush at my apartment
Make a second set of keys and ask you to move in
I'm not crazy, I know what I'm getting myself in
I wanna live with you
If that's ok with you

I'm gonna make you feel like you are heaven on earth
I'm gonna saint your mother just for giving you birth
I'm gonna wanna hold you in my arms when you cry
If that's ok with you, if that's ok with you

We'll keep the neighbors awake too late too late
I wanna love you this way that way this way
We'll keep the neighbors awake too late too late
I wanna love you this way that way this way

I'm gonna make you feel like you are heaven on earth
I'm gonna saint your mother just for giving you birth
I'm gonna wanna hold you in my arms when you cry
If that's ok with you, if that's ok with you

no more monday blue... is Everyday Blue!

When i woke up from sleep, the first thing that comes in to my mind is "How's work?" Even on weekends, i worry about my work. I never had that when i was in Public Bank working as teller. The job ends on the day. I will only start feeling Monday blue every Sunday night, grumbling about having to wake up in the next morning to go to work.

Right now, i no longer suffers from Monday blue. What need to be done, must be done. My first submission got declined miserably, but well, i know this is just temporary. I will improve and be much better from now. It's only matter of time before sales coming in... and i start going crazy having not enough hand to handle all. Hehehehe...

I love my job as a business installment executive =)

Sleep Early, Wake Up Early!

I had Luna to write this for me as well that means the same thing above.

早睡早起德万是笨蛋

(But i read my name in there... wonder what it really means...)

Orinoco Flow by Enya

I started to listen to Enya since last year. The peacefulness that her songs give... One of the South Park episode that i watched said, the feeling of listening to Enya is like old age and still live and cannot die. This is one of the song i listened to, i hope you guys (except Kazee) will enjoy this =)



let me sail, let me sail, let the orinoco flow,
let me reach, let me beach on the shores of Tripoli.
let me sail, let me sail, let me crash upon your shore,
let me reach, let me beach far beyond the Yellow Sea.
da da, da da, da da, da da, da da

sail away, sail away, sail away
sail away, sail away, sail away
sail away, sail away, sail away
sail away, sail away, sail away

from Bissau to Palau - in the shade of Avalon,
from Fiji to Tiree and the Isles of Ebony,
from Peru to Cebu hear the power of Babylon,
from Bali to Cali - far beneath the Coral Sea.

da da, da da, da da, da da, da da

turn it up, turn it up, turn it up, up, up adieu
turn it up, turn it up, turn it up, up, up adieu
turn it up, turn it up, turn it up, up, up adieu

sail away, sail away, sail away
sail away, sail away, sail away
sail away, sail away, sail away
sail away, sail away, sail away

from the North to the South, Ebudæ into Khartoum,
from the deep sea of Clouds to the island of the moon,
carry me on the waves to the lands I've never been,
carry me on the waves to the lands I've never seen.

we can sail, we can sail, with the orinoco flow,
we can sail, we can sail,
sail away, sail away, sail away
we can steer, we can near with Rob Dickins at the wheel,
we can sigh, say goodbye Ross and his dependencies
we can sail, we can sail,
sail away, sail away, sail away

sail away, sail away, sail away
sail away, sail away, sail away
sail away, sail away, sail away
sail away, sail away, sail away

My Stress Checklist

I think i'm having stress right now due to my migraine and unhappiness. So i found a list to identify how stress am i, or am i facing all the stress symptoms.

On My Body

• Headache - I'm suffering from migraine!
  
• Chest pain
• Pounding heart
• High blood pressure
• Shortness of breath
• Muscle aches
• Back pain
• Clenched jaws
• Tooth grinding
• Stomach upset
• Constipation
• Diarrhea
• Increased sweating
• Tiredness
• Sleep problems - I sleep quite early and quite well...
  
• Weight gain or loss
• Sex problems - I think i lost my sex drive...
  
• Skin breakouts

On My Thoughts and Feelings

• Anxiety
• Restlessness
• Worrying
• Irritability
• Depression
• Sadness
• Anger
• Mood swings
• Job dissatisfaction
• Feeling insecure
• Confusion
• Burnout
• Forgetfulness
• Resentment
• Guilt
• Inability to concentrate
• Seeing only the negatives

On My Behaviour

• Overeating
• Undereating
• Angry outbursts
• Drug abuse
• Excessive drinking
• Increased smoking
• Social withdrawal
• Crying spells
• Relationship conflicts
• Decreased productivity
• Blaming others

So... let's see... I guess i'm having more stress on my thoughts and my feelings... Yes, i am kinda negative right now... My migraine is getting better (I didn't blog about this), and my right side down wisdom tooth is coming out... OH SHIT!

No Money No Honey

No contacts = no prospects
No prospects = no customers
No customers = no case
No case = no submission
No submission = no sales
No sales = no commission
No commission = no money
No money = no honey
No honey = no pussy

Relax, Take It Easy by Mika!

I heard this from mix.fm last year. At first i thought it was an oldies by BeeGee because of the voice. The music sounds so 90s and i like this song deep deep.

Just like what the song sings... (just the chorus part) we should relax and take it easy. Stop pressuring ourselves over things that are out of our control ;)

Took a ride to the end of the lane
Where no one ever goes.
Ended up on a broken train with nobody I know.
But the pain and the longing's the same.
When you're dying
Now I’m lost and I’m screaming for help alone.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can't do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

It’s as if I’m scared.
It’s as if I’m terrified.
It’s as if I'm scared.
It’s as if I’m playing with fire.
Scared.
It’s as if I’m terrified.
Are you scared?
Are we playing with fire?

Relax
(Love) There is an answer to the darkest times.
It’s clear we don’t understand it, but the last thing on my mind
Is to leave you.
I believe that we’re in this together.
Don’t scream – there are so many roads left.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can't do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can't do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can't do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

Relax, take it easy
For there is nothing that we can't do.
Relax, take it easy
Blame it on me or blame it on you.

It’s as if I’m scared.
It’s as if I’m terrified.
It’s as if I'm scared.
It’s as if I’m playing with fire.
(Relax)
Scared.
It’s as if I’m terrified.
Are you scared?
Are we playing with fire?

Relax
Relax

Down Day

The most important thing in life, is living.
Troubles come, troubles go...
I believe tomorrow will be better day,
and less bad luck for me.

It had been kinda pressuring right now in SCB, because i got no submissions at all. Hmm... Kazee told me that before... It'll be Hell for first three months. Am i devastated? Nah, it's still a small problem for me. Just that, feel a bit down about it?

Clement got a submission, but he told me, "I am sure that submission will be declined. And my first few submissions will be declined as well." The reason behind of this negativity? This is what he called 'calculated risks'. Expect the worst out of the beginning, good outcome will be an extra. "That's the foundation of my confidence," he said.

Looking at him... There's a lot of things which i feel... Just like the once old me. Full of confidence, positive, and the way he handled his relationship... the philosophy that he practiced... Where's mine? Lost in space... Sucked by the black hole i think.

Growing mature? Becoming wiser? Or changing my mind? As i reached 20, a lot seems different... I am more aware that after all, i am not god. And i don't have that kind of strength to be an unreasonable man that i had always want to be. That kind of person to change the world around me.

Last time, i did met some negative passive fellows, telling me... My confidence and my philosophies... will only last for sometime. Just wait until i really feel the reality. I... just told them what Clement had been telling me for sometime... And, i'm that negative passive fellow... So funny isn't it?

Wait... am i feeling self-pity right now? I bet i am... If not, i won't think of things that i am thinking right now, isn't it? What can i happy about now? Bird, when i answer yours... i really answer yours... And i guess i am answering the same answer to myself right now...

I'm happy, because i get to breathe the first air this morning when i woke up... And i am so happy, that i am still alive until now.

I will be happy again tomorrow when i wake up again :)

*Rest in Peace* Uncle Lim Goh Tong...

I was working in office... until i heard from my boss, an unbelievable shocking news and it struck through me... that...


...the founder of Genting Highland, Uncle Lim just passed away on 23rd October 2007 at 11.20am. In Subang Jaya Medical Centre... He was 90 then...

He built Genting Highland with little money, out of the inspiration he got while relaxing in Cameron Highland. Because of his sweats and blood, because of his efforts... We are able to enjoy in a resort known as Genting.

I believe that many Malaysians, young or old, have lots of sweet memories in Genting... Be it romance, success, friendship, family...

I remember... my mum telling me that she never lost in that jackpot machine...
I remember... my brother won big money before (but he returned everything back to Uncle Lim =..=)
I remember... Bird kept telling me here got memories, there got memories o.="

I remember me myself... first time went to Genting when i was only four...


He, Uncle Lim, as the inspiration for us, the young entrepreneurs... Although he no longer here, his spirit will always be felt by us, the young entrepreneurs...

Uncle Lim... Although i only read about you, and heard about you... i don't even get the chance to meet you in person... or see you talk... But the feeling of losing you, is like a feeling of losing a mentor...

Uncle Lim... Thank you for your guidance through your success...

--Rest in Peace--

Bird in the Cage 2nd Part

from Birdielicious.

Birdie:

Genie in the bottle,
Birdie in the cage;
Its wings is getting brittle,
Swallowing by age.

the door might be opened someday,
but doubt if it can make it's way.

Bannie:

Bygone the 21st June,
"Someday" will arrive so soon,
Let go not your hope,
Forget not your past attempted slope.

If it's courage,
that you seek
Then faith is what you really need...

I wish
I will be here to receive you
But i chose
To believe in you

First step is what it takes
Fledge Bird, fledge!
Just with little courage,
And you will be free again from this Cage!

-Bnbd-

Bird in the Cage 1st Part

By AvalonMoon @ Deviantart

Irresistible...
Obsessive...
Who everyone wishes to own...
Who even i wishes to have...
But do this mean you need to be here?

Bird...
Here in the cage,
Locked away,
Keeping the freedom away.
Will there be any more smile
Will there be any more life?
Shown through your shiny eyes?

Bird...
Do you believe in this Fate?
That means you supposed to be locked away?
Do you heed to the lock?

Bird...
Will you believe in your wings,
That's the only hope for you to soar
Just like the other flock.

Bird...
How i wish to have the key to you...
So i can set you free...
But how can i ask you to go?
If you are here to stay?

-Just Simple production-

21st October

21st October...

The day when i attend Old Frees Association Annual Gathering Dinner... (I'm an ex-Xaverian)
The day when our Malaysian astronauts who took Russian space taxi to International Space Station, coming back to Earth.
The last day for Dino to be in Penang, he's going back to KL the next day...

Five years ago at this date back in 2002...

This is the date, when i was first attached, and first time i started to learn how to love...

Hope i can write more about this date... But after all, there no longer holds any meaning to this date.

My Little Night

This is the third week working in Standard Chartered, and i just met my first customer. I do hope that this case can be approved, though i am ready for 'No Cases for First 3 Months' pattern. Come to think of it, after i did some calculation... I'll still be tight though my salary was increased by few hundreds. Anyway, i will some ways to settle my problems. I don't take "No" as an answer.

Dino and friends are going back to KL this coming Sunday. The pro is, i know i will have more extra money in the coming months as, my routine will go back to the same pace again. Work, Online, Sleep... and the con is, what i gonna do when i am in need for a friend for company?

Sitting here at night... i am missing her and wondering when will she be back? Nothing special or romantic here. It's just that... i feel a bit lonely now... I hope she will enjoy her temporary holiday =)

Birdie... you disappeared for some time. Alright, just a few days, and it's good to hear from you again here in the chatbox. But i prefer to hear your voice la :P Irresistible? Bluek!

Kazee... Stop messing with my Lulu =.=* and confuse her.

Need to get some sleep now... Tomorrow will be another great day for work!!! SALES SALES SALES!!!!!!!!!

Scent

DKNY Be Delicious (Apple)... (I'm not trying to promote for DKNY)

I just found this perfume at Jusco, Queensbay Mall after searching for some time. The fruity fresh scent... tells a lot of story behind it.

Our brains can store voices, and images... Our brains can remind us the scent, or the smell... But unlike voices and images which we can play it in our mind just like the television... We can't smell whatever scent we wish as we like. It's limited.

Let me put it in romantic way...

For distant lovers, some they exchange necklace, or photo or whatever things they can find belongs to them... Why not, exchange perfume? The scent must be special and unique. It can be only found from your loved one... That scent will remind you of the person you love... We can hear the voice, we can see the face... just by memory alone... But not scent. Scent from someone special, can only be found from that person alone... The closer you get to her/him... the heavier the scent will be...
Summarizing everything, you will feel her/his existence... when you smell the scent of the perfume.



Talking about scent and perfume, i heard of a story called Perfume. You can check out the storyline in the link i given to you. There are many different point of view towards the storyline... but looking from my point of view, i feel it's quite romantic.

I got a sample of the fruity scent from the promoter in Jusco. To be honest with myself... I do miss this scent ...

A Night in Tao Lounge, Autocity!

*Click on the pic to enlarge to see the wordings :)

Saturday night in Tao lounge, Autocity was really fun! Together we opened a bottle of Martell VSOP. See their face, all looks like drunkards. Muahahahaha! This is also the first time i drove to Autocity. After i crossed the Penang bridge, i took the road to the North, and i was lost in Bukit Mertajam. I also saw the signboard, TO SUNGAI PETANI, which is... so fucked! Autocity is in the south, near Juru. I supposed to follow the signboard, TO IPOH, KUALA LUMPUR,
and so, i drove to the north, made a U-turn and drove back to south. When i reached Autocity, i realized, "What the fuck! So near only from the bridge?" Well, it's like i try to touch my nose from the left side with my right hand above my head.

So, we got there. And basically it's fun!!! And i had hell satisfying taste of Martell before we went home, and stopped at Greenlane McDonald's to had our breakfast at 4am. Before we went home and sleep.

What a nice day~

P.S: So hard to get any more nice photos because we don't really adapt to that culture in taking pictures wherever we go.

A Token of Self-Recognition

Three people feel lost and trapped.

First person, an Artist. He don't mind about how much money he can earn in the future, but when he can be one of the great illustrator in Japan. He don't know, "What's next?" because when we are in school, our next step is to get a job. Now he has a job, so what's next for him?

Second person, a Student. He can't the life of taking money from his parents. He wants to earn money by his own and spent on his own. He is 21 years old right now. Maybe for most people, that's still young. But he feels useless, having to depend on his parents... and also, he don't wish to work. He wants to be rich. So he questioned, "When is that time?"

Third person, a Dreamer. He got a job. Although he don't have much money, but he can still live on his own. He got no worries what will he be in the future because he is so sure that he will be there. He just changed his job, and he knows he's learning and doing what he need to do, to get him there. So, what he's demanding for? He needs a relationship, he needs Love.

*WARNING! Contents contain over-bragging about the blogger and might disgust most readers. If you can't stand the blogger's pride. Don't read*

After years of silly aggressive approaches, years of fruitless actions, years of unnecessary risks, i guess i had let the world beat me down to my knees. My aunty called it 'Wisdom'. I can't agree more. But deep inside me, i also realized that slowly i have become weak caused by my circumstances.

Perhaps, i no longer have that strong drive to change the world like Bill Gates or Mother Theressa like i used to have. All i wished now, is merely, able to live a normal life and never had to work again at young age. I know this is quite hard and seems impossible to most people, but this is the least and my lowest dream right now. Just by being financial free alone, and not able to do anything that can bring better changes to the world... That's already a waste to my life.

Don't mind me. I'm just bragging i guess.

...............

...............

I said, all i want is to live normal. And someone replied me, "You can't be this way. It all started from you. Among everyone that i'd met, you are the only one who always have that hardcore drive to be different. Maybe not all of us, but i started to be this way and think this way... It started from you."

Heh... I am flattered. What i have in mind after that? Blank. Maybe he said that just to cheer me up? But all along, i know i do share all this kind of things with him. And awhile, he just listened and no comments given. Until not long ago, i saw his progress in learning and following my pace in learning all those stuff.

Oh man... I'm so fucked. I started to brag non-stop. Somebody please stop me! =X

Myself

Feeling uneasy and moody caused my uncontrollable actions which happened few days ago, i meditate to get myself peace and free of mind in order to continue the days without frustration and depression.

It's kinda bullshit when you did something yourself, and you felt guilty over it. I don't blame anyone or anything because it's me who chose to take those action. Influence and temptation, i can't seems to fight off this easily for a while and most of the time, in the end, i failed. I tried to quit smoking, quit alcohol, quit caffeine and... but nothing seems working. I became worst and worst.

For each vices that i did, it seems like the gap become wider and wider between us. To make it funny, it's like a Christian asking for forgiveness each time he sinned, but all the time, he did again and again. Those prayers that he made, is best to be thrown into the sea.

I feel like, i want to be reborn again. Slowly, adding thoughts, ideas, philosophies, and values into myself to be a better person that i'd always wanted to be, but failed along the way. Will it be too late for me to rebuild my life again...? To be those pure person, that i believed myself as one until i destroyed that purity myself not long ago? (maybe very long time ago)

Sadly, i found out that i am someone who rather been told what to do, and what not to do, than a person who can stand on my own ground living up my principles. The one and only principle i pride myself in, had long gone... I guess, i am lost right now. Lost to the world which pushes me around.

Meditation is good. At least during that moment i feel peace and thinks nothing. I think nothing about the future, i think nothing about the present, i think nothing about the past, i think nothing about myself nor others.

Set a standard for myself. I still have time (maybe i will die anytime soon) and just by living every single day, being loyal and truthful to myself... can be an achievement...

I haven't updated for sometime (oh crap, i started with this line for dozen times!!!). I had been lazy busy. By right, if to think about it, i update my blog just for one purpose. Guess what? I will not tell you the purpose.

First of all, i wanna thank God that i'm still alive right now. I just changed job, from Public Bank (PB) to Standard Chartered Bank (SCB), from a low-paid clerk to a sales executive with more than 40% salary increment and commission. I'm still new over there and i can't comment much yet... at the moment it's still good... but i will blog about the comparison when i feel like blogging bout it am free =)

My shares, UEM Builder is recovering from the correction. I guess there will be good news for me. I am currently having insufficient funds problem because i paid my debts using most of my salary, bonus and incentive. Good news from SCB~! I will get my salary earlier this month.

I guess, i still love sales because of the mental and physical challenges, and it requires me to plan my activities like those good old days when i'm still in Omegatrend MLM. I just like to hold an organizer while working. Well, i will get a PDA later on.
(I still hate electronics; i prefer handwriting =X)

-----------------------------

By the way, we haven't chatted much for quite some time. She's still busy doing with her workload.

My point of updating, is a way to let someone (or anyone) know how i had been lately. I don't have chance to really talk to them. But at least, when they read my blog... they will know how had i been. Maybe they are not interested to know at all. I can just say whatever i like, and if they want to know, they will know it through here.

Tomorrow is another new working day. Happy working :) for my Goals~

Somewhere i Belong

I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
And I let it all out to find
That I’m not the only person with these things in mind
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I’ve got left to feel
Just stuck, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own

And I’ve got nothing to say
I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face
Looking everywhere only to find
That it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
What do I have but negativity
’Cause I can’t justify the way, everyone is looking at me
Nothing to gain, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break away, I'll find myself today

I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve held so long
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong...



This poem sounds good? But actually, it's just a lyrics from the song, Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park. Well, some of you might say, "I read only already know." Yeah, just speak to my hand and let me continue crapping.

I wonder what's the feeling when i found somewhere i belong. Everywhere i go, everyone i hang out with... I felt like an outsider, or a passerby, that stop by for the comfort of the warmth. I try to be the best friend i can be. Did i? Or i just fail again...?

At least, thanks for heaven's blessing, for such special friend i found during my dark moments... Though our conversation will be short sometimes, though it will only last for 7 minutes...
Like the rain, that heals,
Like the sun, that shines...
Thank you so much my "friend"... =)

Let's just be happy for one more day

We'll live on one more day when we're happy,
and we'll live on one more day when we're sad...
So, let's just be happy for one more day.

Sometimes, things just got screwed up and we feel like it's a bad hair day. The sun isn't shining, it's raining heavily, you bang your car, you just got fired... but still... Life goes on.

We can choose to go through all our difficulties with a smile, or a frown. If a smile can make us feel better, i think, those unfortunate events had done their job well in giving us bad days... So, it's up to us, to make ourselves feel much better by just a smile =)

Believing in this... sometimes i don't know whether i should feel bad and get emo when things are bad. I just feel loser when i feel bad about something... when things don't go my way. Oh yea... like my previous post.

Everything will be fine when we wake up from this nightmare. Or, it's better if we make ourselves feel better and start finding solutions for the problems =)

天下无不散的缘哲

This is my 300th posts. I was about to sleep then, i thought of something. What am i feeling, and why i feel so?

I am feeling unhappy, a bit down... ermm... A bit low self-esteem? The feeling is like, you got your holiday but still you have no where to go to, and no one to go with. Christmas Eve and New Year Eve are still the best, where me and my friends together will go to Gurney and wait for the countdown.

Last time, though i got upset with my friends sometimes, i still get to watch movie with them... or go somewhere someplace with them. Now, after a few 'big shots' like Andy went to study in KL... everyone seems broken up.

Jacque is either busy with his girlfriend (which i will not blame on someone doing that) OR work OR play "World of Warcraft" (WoW)!!! WTF!!! I asked him out before and he told me, "Busy, WoW." I'm gonna start busy with Gunbound also!!! HMPH!

KH... i lost his news. Just heard from Dino that he heard that KH is studying in KDU now after he no longer work in airport.

Hueyshen, busy with work, and computer games at home. We used to hang out a lot after Andy, Dino and etc went to KL for their degree. Clubbing, drinking session, hanging around eat wind... But it seems like he got a new friend, PC Game...

Kean Jung a.k.a ABK will come back Penang once in awhile. We will not hear from him saying that he's back in Penang. Then, we see him with Pearline at Sega Fredo Gurney.

Maybe i'm just desperate. And maybe, actually it's not that bad after all. At least once in awhile i still can go watch movie with Vliamz, or Mig, or Keat? This is what we called,
"天下无不散的缘哲"?

As we grow older, we loose more? This is a lesson, so that i can pass it down to my children that, appreciate everything that they have while they're young, or else they will lose a lot as they grow older. I don't blame anyone. I just lament, that is what we called 'Life' and everyone gotta move on with their own life.

The Genting trip that i have long await for... don't seems like it's gonna come true... I'll not be able to pay Uncle Lim roadtax. Sigh...

Hmph! Save my money.

Wiser choice might be... save money and buy a laptop so i can online whenever whereever i want to!!! Online is much better than anything else =)

Lazy Update for Lazy People

I'm leaving that boring job as a clerk in Public Bank Berhad.
I'm going to join Kazee in Standard Chartered Bank.
I loss rm159.59 in the stock market.
I'm getting my commission tomorrow, roughly rm400, and my last pay from Public Bank, RM880.25.
I started playing Gunbound and my favourite is Boomer which i no longer able to play, and just using Mage all along.
I don't know what to do when i sit in front of my desktops because i'm lazy.
I don't what to blog either.
I started downloading video from the internet again.
I download South Park, and *ahem* Film full of feeling for single man like me.
I'm having holiday mood feeling where i don't wanna go to work and just sleep all night (and day).



Enjoying feels good. Too much relaxation will become a habit... Well, life isn't just eat sleep work and play. Do something... Do something...

Cunning Lessons

My branch manager put poison on me and Clement yesterday night =.= But the mistake she made is, she called Kazee, which ended up she got screwed back by him. What's the reason behind for her doing this, i do not really sure or understand as this action seems retarded to me. Well, maybe she is a 'retarded unhappy old unwanted divorcee lady bachelor.'

The only reason that i can used to justify her actions are... Me and Clement are such terrifying person and she is afraid that me and Clement will steal her customers if we joined their competitor, which, the difference between the two company is like Condominium (Kazee's) and Rubbish Bin (Her's) Well, i was mad at first when i heard the news, but after i woke up, i felt... like what Kazee said, "So what?"

Lesson i learnt from this... "Never tell your boss where you are going after you resigned."

Talking about lesson, i learnt something from a HK drama just now, from the dialogue.

"I will only worry about stupid employees because i need to make sure that they can learn up and be smart in their jobs so i don't have to waste my time and effort trying to make sure that they do good jobs.

And, for smart employees who do good jobs... i will not worry about them. I will only be cautious when dealing with them."

I like that ^^

Life is like the Seasons

Life is a cycle just like the Four Seasons,
All the ups and downs, happened,
Just like;
The Autumn, which mark the beginning of a frustration...
The Winter, or the start of frustration, anger, sadness, tears, or also... the end.
The Spring, which make it feels like the beginning of a new chapter, after one part had ended.
and, The Summer, when Life is at its best.

Where am i now? At this very moment?
I'm feeling the Spring...
The sad, and the unhappy part had ended, and it ended well...
After the biggest betrayal i had faced, the traitor which is myself, who betrayed myself...
It ended well...

Maybe it's the resignation letter which i had tendered that made me feel this way?
Maybe it's the recognition i got from those friends which i feel close to?
Sometimes it's hard to believe that good things do happened to me,
Or maybe i had forget about it?
After the coldness of Winter swept through?

Every winter which came,
Act as an opportunity in disguise to train me,
To give me wisdom,
To make me grow up.

I survived the winter and i have become stronger than what i used to be...
It's time for me to face the next lesson,
After i riped the fruits of my labour in the next season?

I had seen few of my friends, whom failed to found the lessons hidden in their misfortune.
I will not be part of them,
I'm not trying to be mean,
It's just... There is no point, in helping those who forsaken themselves...

I guess...
This is the time of...
Return to Innocence...


P.S: I feel i'm more handsome when i'm happy ^^

Tarot Reading.

While in KL, me and Dino went to a complex at Ampang Road. We came across a stall providing Tarots reading service which only costs us RM10 per person. So, i gave it a try.

First three cards represents my Past, Present and Future.
Next three cards are to answer my questions.

Let's look at my first three cards.




My Past: The Devil

This card said that i used to be a playboy (what the fuck?). The tarots reader said in Cantonese; "Fa fa wong zi" which means "Playboy" or direct translation, "Flower Prince".

The word Playboy doesn't mean that i played with girls heart or whatsoever but it means i was someone who like to fool around and play around. All i care about is amusement and entertainment. It's quite accurate. Reminds me of 20 hours a day in Ragnarok Online.

As usual, i was a kid...










My Present: The Tower

Look at the card closely... Another version of this card... The illustration is a Tower crumbled.

She said right now, i have to restart everything and rebuild everything. My present life is just like the Tower... crumbled... Destroyed... Fell...

The Tower stood strong. But because of weak foundation, it falls. I smiled when i heard this. This is so RIGHT!











My Future: The Fool

Well, i'm not gonna say anything about my Future. I will just let myself forget about it. Anyway, this card is a good card and not something bad. It doesn't mean Fool as in Idiot.

In other definition, this card actually means Wisdom or something like that.















Alright... The next three cards are to answer my questions. Guess what questions i asked?

Question number 1: My Career.

I got The Star.

At first i thought this is a good card but i was wrong. When the reader opened this card. She straight away asked me, "What time is it?"

I looked at my watch and replied, "1.30pm."

She said that right now, i cannot see the Star because it's afternoon. The timing is not right and i'm not being realistic.

0.0

Too early?









Question number 2: Money

I got Lust.

This only tells me my behaviour on money, and it didn't tell me whether i can strike lottery or not.

All this card told me was... My believe is Earn to Spend.

I don't feel any heartache when i spend my money... No wonder i have nothing left =.=











Lastly, Question number 3... Guess what's my question... I will give you 2 cents if you can answer this question.

Alright, here's my 2 cents. I know you will know because i am Just Simple!

The question is about My Love =)

She asked me, "Do you have girlfriend now?"
I replied, "Nope."

She said,

"Erm... Your Love life is quite complicated and tragic. The person you fall in love with... is either she's attached or has someone she loves. Which means you are not a choice for that person. You should find someone who's available."

=.= Come to think of it... This is... the most accurate. I don't know i should smile or cry. Goddamnit!

Tarots reading is kinda fun! If you happened to come across tarots reading service, give it a try =)

It's Fun to Read Old Posts

I'm cleaning and organize all my stuff in my hard disk, clearing the unwanted, backup the important one... No porns no porns! I deleted my 30gb size of porn the last time i reformatted. Damn pain, and i'm kinda lazy and tired to download everything again. I hardly download songs too. I'm impatient.

I read a few of my earliest posts back in the end of year 2005. Can't believe it that i had blogged for two years now. A lot have changed, especially the way i think things and my attitudes. Just read a few and have felt quite frustrated and irritated with my pessimistic self =.=

Hm... Maybe i don't change much since then. Just that i complain much lesser? Or maybe i'm lazier to blog anything nowadays? I don't feel like saying much. I just accept things do happen. Never questioned why or so and so... I just accept.

Most things happened are our own choice. Perhaps, influenced a little by Fate and Destiny?

17th Times to Quit Smoking

I went out to have a drink with Keat. Then we talked about what he sees about other people like Vliamz, Phila, etc... When it comes to my turn, he looked at me and paused...

"You lost your direction." In English, the exact words.

The second same sentence of the night, after Just Special told me this in MSN few hours ago.

"... you lost your direction." In English, the exact words.

Sigh... This could be a Hint?


When he sent me back, the radio in My.fm was playing a weird song... With dialogue and the person sounds like Tony Leung...

The dialogue goes;

"Everytime before i start to sing a song on the stage, i will drink a sip of beer, and lit a cigarette.

"I lit the cigarette... but didn't realized, it had burned till become ashes... But i can still remember the shape from the ashes."

"She's sitting there at that table alone. She's the only one who clapped for my song..."

"I whisper to her ear and said, 'Are you serious? Don't regret oh."

Blah blah blah...

"She asked me to quit smoking for 17 times... I told her it's impossible to quit."

"When she asked me to quit smoking for the 17th times, i felt irritated... but i didn't know, it's the last..."

"Whenever i wanna start to sing a song... Usually, last time, i will do what i had always done... Sip a beer, lit a cigarette..."

"But now, i will just close my eyes, breathe in, and think of her..."

"I'd already quited smoking... which i told her before that, it's impossible..."

I Lost My Direction

It's kinda weird that i try thinking this way. Well, Clement told me a sentence this evening, "Let God do the job." or something like that. Well, if God does exists, what is He trying to do, or trying to plan with me? Will i take all these things that happened to me, as a hint or what?

Twice i had been made to feel useless.
One by a third party message copied pasted from someone Little Extraordinary.
One by direct hit messages from someone Just Special.

Two different messages, different words from two different person... but both mean the same thing, which make me question myself, "Am i that useless?" "What am i doing all these while?" "What do i have now?"

What will be the answer from my own heart?
I have nothing, i am nothing. Honestly, i do agree with the message and the meaning.

Will i give up?
Nah, i don't think so. All i need, is to find back my touch and my dream. And what i really need now is, a taste or a sip of Success...

Comfort comes from Inside, not Outside

Buddha only requires us to do five things, what else can we do if we couldn't even follow the five things...?



All i am required to follow is the five precepts.

1. I will be mindful and
reverential with all life,
I will not be violent nor will I
kill.

2. I will respect the
property of others, I will not steal.

3. I will be conscious and loving
in my relationships,
I will not give way to lust.

4. I will honor honesty and
truth, I will not deceive.

5. I will exercise proper care
of my body and mind,
I will not be gluttonous nor abuse
intoxicants.

Which of the five which i haven't do? Don't i feel guilty? Yes, i do. Well, maybe it's much easier to say than done. But i'm pretty sure that these five precepts do not require a godly person to follow all of them. I believe, that there are people who followed these five precepts till the end. What's the differences i have from them that made me unable to? Will? Determination?

There are two types of friends surround us. One which is the work of Devil, which will give us everything we ever wanted and all the pleasures we seek. Money, sex, intoxication... Everything come from the outside. But of course, there is price to pay.

The other hand, the messenger of God, which only requires us to be good and nothing else. All they ever asked, if for us to be a good person, and continue to be one till our last breath. All they are trying to give, is the comfort we could find inside before Adam and Eve denied God.

Well, let's not care whether it's God or Buddha or Allah. All really matters is the peace we can find within us, and the good we can give to others...

Comfort... comes from inside, not outside.

P.S: And what the heck i'm still awake? I should be sleeping right now. I'm following Dino to KLCC tomorrow early morning. Yeah, by the way, i'm in KL now. And i think i won't be able to online when i got into the woods of Bangi. Take care. :)

Shape

She says,

"Buy pins to pin on a board to make any shapes that you desire. First, start out with 20 pins, and make a square with it. The limit line of cigarettes you can smoke is 10. So, if you smoke more than 10, and let's say 11. You will have to unpin one pin. But if you smoke less than 10, let's say 9. You can add one more pin on the board. If you lose all the pins on the board, i will not talk to you! But, after you're done pinning shapes on the board. You can give to me as my birthday present."

Supposedly, i should start blogging daily about my achievement, and take photo of it. But well, i still didn't look for the pins that i want to buy, and also the board. Even if i found it, i'm far too broke to spend any money or should i say, i don't even have any to spend.

This is Day 3 of me keeping track of how many cigarettes i smoked per day. Honestly speaking, i am amazed of how possible it is for me to kick the habit of chain smoking. Smoking is smoking, chain smoking is the usual me... 1 box or maybe more per day. Well, what's my result so far, and how many pins i had gained? Errr... The result is quite good for me, but it's not a good result and i almost unpin all the pins. Near-20 i can say... Still a few more to go and that's 20. I still left 5 pins.

My last box of cigarette with 5 sticks left was finished by 7p.m. The rest are sponsored or donated by Vliamz and Kazee while in upper Penang Road. I told myself i will not buy any for the meantime. Well, maybe i will buy a box when i go to Baling during my course trip there. My training centre and my hotel are inside the woods. Where there will be nothing but colleges and schools.

Is this cigarettes thingy a bit deal? Most will say 'No'. But actually i will say 'Yes' although sometimes i think it's a 'No'. I do feel like quitting the habit someday when my lungs or my heart hurts but the problem is, i can't see that 'someday'. I do fear of dying young. Fortunetellers said i will live only until around 50 if i will not stop it. And i am scare.

With determination and willpower, I will make a Love shape with those pins =)

Cold Night

It was cold... very very cold... but it's okay. She slept just beside me... her body heat provides me the warmth... to keep me comfortable and alright... I was facing her back, and all i could see... see her back... and little bit movement as she breathe while sleeping... Breathe in... Breathe out... It was like a rhythmic lullaby...

Time passed slow... I hope... It will always be same.. Just like that.

Giving without asking something for return

I don't wish to know and understand anyone so well. Maybe i am just afraid that they might turn out to be uglier than i can tolerate? The beer, the tea, the laughter, the cock talk that we all had together... It's fun and it's happy for that moment. But what if someday, they turned their back on you?

"Giving without asking something for return." We had heard this so many times... but is this theory applicable to mankind nowadays? We don't have Buddha or Jesus anymore in such a corrupted world today.

Self-interest is the keyword.

If i were to be cold to others. But i know i might hurt or anger some people. In order not to make them sad or angry... I be nice to them because i still care? But what if i am the person who got that treatment?

"Giving without asking something for return." Another part of me, believes that it's one of the easiest way to live our life. If we are able to control how we think and feel...

Used, betrayed, forgotten... i had gone through this a few times... I faced a scenario that, i was nearly betrayed by a friend of mine. What i did was, i betrayed him before he was able to. My thinking on that moment is... It's much better if you die first, before you are given the chance to betray me.

How long can a sincerity lasts? How long can a friendship lasts?

Listing out all the good things that i had done... Though it may be simple and unimportant... Does it balance the account? Or is there unseen transactions in between? Causing the account unable to balance? Too much receiving and not enough giving?

Is Giving = Receiving? Or Giving = Receiving x10?

Used, Betrayed, Forgotten, Mocked...

If someday i died, will my deeds left a mark on this world? I bet it won't...

AFTER ALL~~~~~!!!!!!!!!

I prefer Giving the best that i am able to offered. The best to others... I know how it feels when treated badly... i know how it feels when we feel the imbalance...

The only thing i hope for... Is out of 1000 of friends that i know, there shall be one who is really sincere to me.


Another emo post =/ Will post something sweeter some day :D

Meaning of a Present

How does it feels when you receive presents from your friends? A present that is not scrapped out from their provision but a present which they shop around just for you? Sometimes, it's quite hard for me to decide what present i want to buy. So, normally when it comes to special occasion like their birthday, and Christmas... i will just get them a card. A card bought from a gift shop. Not self-made type.

I scare that i will buy them something they don't like or something they already had. But, it shouldn't be that way right?

A present comes from our heart. It represents our sincerity and to shows our friends that we remember them, and we care...

I started thinking of this when i tried to shop around to buy a birthday present for my friend. I wanna make sure that she will likes it, and it's not really that cheap. Not girl friend, but just an old friend... That already gave me such a headache...

My best friend's birthday is coming soon on September and i wished you to get him something special on my own. What should i buy? So that it will represents our long years of friendship?

Beer

I drank with my priority customer last night. I rejected him a few times, so i accepted yesterday and drank until... 12am? I found out...

When you are drunk, is much better if you sleep, because you are tempted to say or do things you aren't suppose to do. That's how, Beer... Helping Ugly People Have Sex Since 1862.

Well, i'm handsome... Beer will not be able to help me :(

I just heard this.

"Actually" is a word introduced in Malaysia to the Ang Mohs (Westerners). During near Independence Day period or few years after that. Before "Actually" was introduced. Ang Mohs used "Besides, blah blah blah.."

Woah... I just know this.

Getting Wise

When it comes to investment, any sorts of investment... Money or Relationship... I rather play it safe. I felt i am a chicken little now. When i want to do something, i trust more on my instinct than my guts feeling.

Maybe i had done too many bad choices? And now, i am afraid to take risk?

Hmm.. i told my aunt about this. She just said,
"That's not being a coward. That's your wisdom. After failing for so many times, your wisdom grows and you just become wiser and wiser."

She can always find a good way to comfort me =) Her methods and her ways are much preferable than my mother's.

Now, when i feel 50-50 about an investment... I will just do more homework and make it 60-40 before i decided to join in the game. Oh yea... including relationship.

What i'm doing currently? Play stocks~~~ So fun~~~

What is Love?

A : "I can't find a reason why you can be in love with B? If C, i still can understand... but B..."




You know you are in love when you couldn't reasons yourself with logics and resist the attraction this thing called Love gives. If we are able to choose who we love, than life will be much easier? We can make the other party to choose to love us to.

Speaking from a lame person's point of view,

"After you are betrayed or cheated, after you are used, after you realized both of you are not possible, but unconditionally, you still love them. No matter who they are with, no matter who they have be, you still love them. This is what i called Just Love."

Love, just need a true heart, a true feeling. It does not require reasons to back up why you love. There may be lots of excuses, but truly, it just come from our heart.

Risk - Reward (i think i post this before.)

When you come across a person asking RM10 for donation (not those RM10 for greetings cards or lousy pens but pure donation) , may it be for old folks home, for disabled kids, for orphanage, etc etc... You are forced to make decisions. If you were given following choices, which one will you choose?

A. Poor souls... Here, RM10. I hope i can help a little.

B. Don't try to con my RM10, i'm not stupid!

C. Ignore and act as if you hear nothing.

Think of it... Think of what you normally do when you came across this... Think of what cross your mind when you came across this...

.........

Think...

.........


There is no right or wrong answer in this question. It just depends on ourselves, on how we think things. For me, i will choose A. That is, to donate. Not to praise myself but for those who really knows me, know that i do donate all the time unless they try to sell me something like greetings cards.

What come through my mind when i meet those people asking for donation like this, is...

They (the people asking for donation) may be lying to me and try to con my RM10, but they may be telling the truth and really trying to get donations for the needy. So the chances that this RM10 can get to the needy may be 50/50.

For me, why cares what if those money can't get to the needy? Why not care for what if those needy really need the money? The most important thing for me is the Reward from my decision.

Risk RM10, Reward Helped those who are in need.

Well, i can give an example for this positive ways of thinking.

You like this girl, and you want to confess to her. 99% chances are, she may reject you. But when she rejects you. What is your losses? BUT if you get lucky and got the 1% chance which is she accept you... What is your gain?

Does the Reward outweigh the Risk?

Well, this may be sounds too simple. But sometimes, at times, this way of thinking does help a lot in how we think.

This Risk-Reward thing are applicable only on simple decision-making which doesn't require thoroughly thinking. The example above are just for reference. The blogger will not responsible for any claims on losses or damages caused after readers decided to use this Risk-Reward on courtship.

The blogger had used this on asking a girl for a date before and ended up...

Blogger : "99% chances of being rejected and not getting a date - Lose nothing.
1% chance of being accepted and got a date, with you - Priceless."

Girl :"Go sell INSURANCE~lah!"

His Losses.

He spent lavishly, so he ended up with debts.
He complains of having too many phone calls from friends, so he has little now.
He felt proud of himself and became arrogant, now he can't even look into the mirror.
He likes to look down on others, now he felt the taste of being mocked.
He had high confidence in things he do, now he is in doubt of his actions.

Mistakes are just lessons to make us better,
but sometimes it's something that stop us from growing.

What he has today,
Is what he gave yesterday.

Did he ever think why he got here in the first place?
Yes he do think of "why"

Until he got the capabilities,
To be someone capable.
He will forever feel regret.
For what he had lost dearly.

My Happiness

Lunee is happy.

Dino is doing fine with both his studies and relationship...

ABK has become a good person as in, no longer "mating" around.

C is having his C sweet story.

Merseysider is getting married.

My brother are getting married today.

My mum sounds good on the phone.

My aunty and uncle are healthy as usual.

My car don't broke down for quite some time.

Max and Lucky (my dogs) are doing fine together and they are just so cute.

Kazee sounds great in his job.

Vliamz found a job which suits his style.

My sister and her boyfriend are still loving.

Edwin will be paid dividends from his 20 lots of shares.

Huey Shen can starts finding a job.

Jd having fun in Australia.

Jeannie is gonna be 21 very soon.

My colleagues gonna get their half year bonus this month.

CL is staying with Bird now.



Because of all this reasons, I am happy :) to be able to heard from them about their happiness. God bless them all.