Reflect

Somehow I feel I'm not treating my girlfriend the way she should be treated.
She's good... maybe too good. Naive and innocent. On the other hand, I'd gone through a lot.
I'm realistic and impatient.

Maybe I take my past experience into this relationship. It's unhealthy...

Rather than thinking of letting this relationship go... maybe I should try to see this relationship from another angle.
And I should reflect on myself. It's not fair for her to have half hearted me...

I'm just afraid if I give in, I'll lose control of the whole situation...

How I used to think in the past...?

All or nothing...?

Will I be able to handle myself if shits happen again after that...?

I didn't feel any regret over the loss of my past relationship.
There were some regrets over my wrong decisions that cost the relationship, but not that decision to put in everything into it.
Hmmm... if I would to go through it again, and knowing it'll come to the same ending, I'll still do the same.

It's gonna be the same this time.

Alright. Change my approach tomorrow. Add in another 20% into it!

Look at bright side

When we're sad and down, look at the bright side. It sounds easy and simple. But the message in this sentence lies a high secret to happiness.

There's always, "What is this setback tries to tell me?"

Be happy =)

Once Again.

Once again, reading does helping string my mind straight. It was an old book, I'd read it before but after all the mess that I'd gone through... I get the message now. It's been a long time since a book gives me goosebumps out of enlightenment.

There are things which I want to confess.

Actually I were feeling guilty and regret because wasn't there when my nanny passed away. She did called a few nights before she left. After all these taking care of me, I just left home, came to this big city, just because of one woman. That relationship was at the midst of going down the drain.

She left me, my nanny passed away, and I was stuck here.

Sad, hurt, anger, guilt, regret, fear... That were all the things I'd been feeling.

Until one day I accepted the fact that every success and every sweetness that I'd tasted in the past had ended. And it's the time to do anything drastic at the moment. So I got myself into a stable sales job. Freedom, no quota, no stress.

I'd rest for sometime in this plateau of life. Deep inside my heart, I know that I wasn't giving up yet. I'd come too far...

I will keep this feeling and at the same time, keeping my eyes and heart wide open. My time will come again...

Anger Inside

One and half year is enough to change a person. I forgot how I used to be.

Where is that idealist dreamy person?

All I'm feeling now deep inside me is Anger. And also a little bit hopeless.

Maybe I haven't been doing some thinking like I used to do. Other than working, happy hour, girlfriend, I spend most of my time watching TV or just practically thinking about nothing.

I should get my own one hour of thinking daily again.

I need to get rid of this anger piling inside me...

Regrets

Sometimes in life we made decisions which will create regrets in our heart forever.

Things we shouldn't have done,

Relationship that we shouldn't have failed,

Beloved family member that we had left...

Which is why I am so afraid now.

Afraid of making mistakes which will make regret for the rest of our lives...

I miss my nanny who had passed away last year...

I Am Back.

I had been figuring out how to move my blog to somewhere else, but it's not really successful. This blog has been around since 2005... And moving all my posts to a new one.... for someone who doesn't have a laptop or desktop like me.... It seems like too much work. And I hate doing something long or typing on my tablet.... Or I don't feel save doing something so important such as this at cybercafe.

And, it's much convenient to post something on Facebook then here.. But sometimes there are things that I can't afford to let few hundreds people to know with one click.

So I am back.

Healthier with badminton and etc,

Financially improved.... Yea, by 6.7456%. (Ok, I pluck this percentage from the sky.)

As handsome as usual,

I love my job, so I stop working since then. It became a part of  me, no Monday blues.

Penang... I got nothing much left there, other than, maybe my biological father will decide to give me some of his wealth.

Oh, I got a girlfriend who are crazy over me. Few weeks old relationship, that's to be expected.

That's all about my updates.