Reflection.

Year 2005 is about to end. Just a few days left... Normally, at this moment, i'll have my own moment of silence (long one) and reflect back of my past. About the decisions i'd made so far, all the stupid and right things that i did, the people i'd know...

Frankly speaking, i'd never regret of all those decisions and steps that i'd made. Well.. uhm... I did regret at that moment when shits hit the fan. But when i think back again... I learnt something and i grow up everytime i make mistakes. I become wiser and wiser. (Wat da heck, i'm talking like an oldman.)

I used to be a loner (i guess i'm still one now but better abit). I rarely expressed myself. I just stay in my room and cut myself bleed whenever i feel depressed (That's stupid). I quarrel with lotsa people. I think that gangsters are cool! I think that beat up someone when you don't like them is cool! But luckily i never be one of them before.

In year 2002, I was...hmm... in love with Jennifer, and was courting her. But end up loving someone else ( a long time friend) Jd and eventually gone steady with her. But the ending in year 2003 is a tragic. Well, i sometimes think that what if i didn't made that decision and holding Jen's hand instead... What will happen today? (I guess it'll also be a tragic. I would be competing with Huey Shen and with his size, he would had already killed me XD). Well, it's sad that she's gone. But i realized that in the end will also be a tragic. I don't know why but i don't think she's suitable for me.

Year 2004... I joined a network marketing, Omegatrend... I lost a lot of money there and faced a big disappointment. But in exchange, i learnt that "It's a SIN to GIVE UP your DREAM!" I learnt alot of real life lessons there. If i didn't involved in it, i will not able to be someone better than what i used to be. I won't realized how valuable friendship is, time is, or money is. That's when i begin reading books on self-developement. ( I wonder if i'd only on with Jd after that, wouldn't the relationship will better?) That's when i really control my life.

I also quit TARC. And gone to IPG. Wrong choice!!! Don't go to IPG coz it sucks!!! TARC is better!!!

My mother! She came back from Japan this year, "ji khong khong gor ni" ( year 2005) after... how many years...? When i'm 4 years old... Roughly 14 years seperated. Now we got big problem between a mother and her son. Communication problem! I can't talk to her, she can't talk to me. She thinks that i'm too naive to believe in DREAM, i think that i don't want to follow her path and will never I MEAN EVER! listen to her. You think i feel good bout that? WRONG! I don't. I feel sorry for her. My elder brother is a gangster tailou, my sister likes to quarrel with her and refuse to talk her now, i hate education that's most important to her. All her children become something that she doesn't like. I think that's Destiny... She told me she's going to stay in temple after everything's done and won't interfere with anyone of us... Haihz... I think that's a good ending.

Year 2005, i also learnt... Be conscious. There're lotsa bullshitters around. Some are still good friends although we know they like to bullshit, and some will run away with your money. Well, there's juz alot of this kind of people. Just be conscious, that's all. I also learnt, be compassionate with others. Don't think of revenge or hatred... And you'll be very peaceful. Don't do anything that you don't want other to do it on you... That's ALL!

See... Everyone has their own life story. None is not interesting. Learn is the keyword for improvement. Life is juz once... Live it to the best. Though some are Buddhist or Taoist that believes reincarnation (reborn)... live this life to the best!!!